<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>No Body No Crime by overunderachiever</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28433526">No Body No Crime</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/overunderachiever/pseuds/overunderachiever'>overunderachiever</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>All death is off screen, Based on a song but not a song fic really, Cheating, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Gen, Janus is the person the OC is cheating with, M/M, Murder, Remus lies to the police, Swearing, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, and Logan is a cop, and Roman...., but Patton does a murder, poor Virgil is just there, posting from my phone is so fiddly, so that’s the warning if you need it, the only properly unsympathetic one is the OC, well I’m sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:42:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28433526</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/overunderachiever/pseuds/overunderachiever</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roman realises his husband is cheating on him and tells Patton at their weekly catch up. A few days later, Roman is reported missing and Patton knows who did it. He cant prove anything though so he takes matters into his own hands...</p><p>Inspired by, and heavily based on, No Body No Crime by Taylor Swift</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders, Janus/Original Male Character, Unhealthy Roman/Original Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No Body No Crime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I heard this song and I was like whelp this is a murderess country song, time to make it about Patton. You don't have to know the song to understand this story but it is a banger so I recommend you listen to it. Also Logan I'm sorry this is the second time I'm making you a cop but it was necessary for the story. And Roman I'm just sorry.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patton plopped down into the seat opposite Roman, slightly out of breath but greeting his best friend cheerfully all the same.</p><p>"Sorry I'm so late! My car's getting fixed and the bus was really slow today."</p><p>Roman waved away the apology. "Don't fret, I figured you wouldn't miss our weekly Olive Garden Gossip without texting so I already ordered for you."</p><p>"Oh thank you!"</p><p>They talked about things of little consequence for a while, but Patton began to notice something off about his best friend. The usually exuberant man seemed a little more subdued, his gestures less flamboyant, and there were faint bags under his eyes that his makeup couldn't quite hide. He wasn't so invested in the exchanging of gossip as usual, and Patton found himself carrying most of the conversation.</p><p>"Are you all right kiddo?" Patton suddenly asked.</p><p>Roman stiffened, tried to put on a carefree look to say he was fine, but gave up before he'd even started speaking. His shoulders slumped. "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. My husbands acting...different. I don't know what to make of it." He took hold of a napkin and started tearing it into tiny pieces, letting the shreds float down into his empty wine glass. "So I'm not really up to my usual glittery self...as you can probably tell."</p><p>Patton covered over his instinctive worry with a sympathetic smile and reached across to put a reassuring hand on his friend's arm.</p><p>"I want to say I'm sure its nothing," he began, wincing at Roman's hopeful look, "but..."</p><p>One of Patton's best kept secrets was how much he loathed Roman's husband. Mr Royale seemed perfectly charming to most people, and practically a Disney prince to Roman, but Patton had always gotten an off feeling from him.</p><p>And there was that whole thing about Thomas...</p><p>When Roman first met that man, Patton had told him to be careful, but Roman was lovestruck from the start. Patton had never wanted to break his best friend's heart so he kept quiet.</p><p>He was probably just being paranoid anyway.</p><p>"What is it that's strange about him?" Patton asked after a long silence. Perhaps it was all just some misunderstanding?</p><p>"Well its probably nothing but several times over the past month he's had the remains of lipstick on his mouth when he comes home...I wouldn't think anything of it because I know my lipstick can stain for hours and hours after we kiss...but I would never wear a merlot colour with such cool undertones. It wouldn't suit me. And then," his handsome face twisted into a troubled frown and he attacked the napkin again with hands that now shook slightly, "...and then yesterday I was looking over the bank statement for our join account and...there have been a couple purchases of some rather expensive jewellery. I mean it could be meant for me...but my birthday is months away, and he never buys valentines presents this early in January." There was a pause but Patton didn't speak up, knowing Roman had something else to add.</p><p>Then, in a very small voice, "and he hasn't brought me such expensive jewellery since we got married."</p><p>Patton drew in a sharp breath.</p><p>"Ro..."</p><p>"He's cheating isn't he." It wasn't a question, but Roman still looked up into Patton's eyes with a gaze begging him to say it was something else.</p><p>"That...is kinda what it seems like."</p><p>Roman's eyes seemed to fill with tears, before they were suddenly blinked away. "I should call him out on it shouldn't I?" He seemed..defeated. And it crushed Patton's soul to know someone had hurt his best friend so. "I mean, I only think he did it, and I just cant really prove it unless he confesses, but...I'm not going to let up until its all sorted out. Communication is important and all that."</p><p>"Well I dunno kiddo, you should be careful calling him out. He might get...well, just go carefully."</p><p>"Oh of course," now with a plan Roman seemed to have perked up a bit, "besides, I'm sure its just a misunderstanding. He loves me, and he's always been so caring, I just know he wouldn't have cheated on purpose. Oooh," his eyes practically lit up, "maybe he's being blackmailed by someone, and I'll have to rescue him, and then we'll have to run away together for our own safety-"</p><p>Patton sighed inwardly as Roman continued to come up with increasingly fantastical explanations for what may have happened. That was how he coped - turning it into a game, a story like the fairytales he loved so much. That was how he distracted himself from what was probably really going on.</p><p>Roman was just so idealistic. He always saw the best in people, and always tried to live his life as forgiving and chivalrous to as many people as possible. That naivety was going to get him hurt one day, if it hadn't already.</p><p>They paid for the meal and stepped outside. Roman paused in his jabbering long enough for Patton to pull him into a hug. He felt so small in his arms, a good few inches shorter than Patton, and certainly slighter. Patton felt himself instinctively cling on tighter and longer than usual, though he wasn't entirely sure why.</p><p>"Roman, kiddo, remember what I said-"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah," Roman grinned, slightly forced, "I'll be careful Padre. See you next week."</p><hr/><p>Patton did not see him next week.</p><p>There was no text or anything, and he didn't pick up when Patton called. Now it was Wednesday and Patton was standing in the foyer of the theatre Roman worked at, waiting for the rest of the cast to come out of rehearsals and hoping Roman would be among them.</p><p>He wasn't there, but someone who might be helpful was.</p><p>"Hi Virgil!"</p><p>The man jumped at the sound of Patton's voice and turned around. "Oh, heya Pat."</p><p>Patton allowed himself a slight feeling relief. Roman's friend and co-star might have heard something.</p><p>He was about to ask when Virgil beat him to it, and made Patton's heart sink.</p><p>"You haven't seen Roman recently have you?" he asked, "I haven't seen him since the rehearsal on Friday. He hasn't texted or anything, and it's only a week to the show and I'm his understudy, and I get major stage fright unless Ro's there to support me and I really worried about him-"</p><p>"Hey. Virgil focus on me, you don't have to look at me, just focus on my voice. Can I touch you?"</p><p>Virgil gave a small nod and extended his hand for Patton to grip between both of his own, in a poor imitation of what Patton had seen Roman do to ground Virgil a few times before.</p><p>"I haven't seen him either, but-" Virgil grabbed Patton's hands with his free one too, trying to anchor himself while Patton spoke, "I'm sure there's an explanation for this. Roman's probably just ill and maybe his phone's broken too. For now, just focus on one day at a time, and on the play. If Roman is too ill by the show and you have to stand in, I know you are going to be amazing. I'll be here to keep you calm if Roman cant be, okay kiddo?"</p><p>Patton didn't believe for a minute that Roman was just sick, but a little white lie was necessary to keep Virgil from panicking. Besides, if Patton's suspicions were true, he would be doing a lot worse than white lies soon.</p><hr/><p>MISSING: Roman Royale</p><p>Patton glared at the headline, and the headshot Roman used for auditions, and the article below it detailing his appearance and that his husband had reported him missing to the police yesterday.</p><p>He was last seen on Friday evening leaving the theatre in town, but he never arrived home.</p><p>Patton was sceptical.</p><p>It was of course coincidence that Patton accidentally took a wrong turning on his way to work that day, so his route took him past Roman's house. It was a pleasant day, if a little chilly, and the suburban road was almost picturesque. His house particularly was quiet, and nothing seemed to be amiss - a few curtains open upstairs, blinds closed downstairs, grass slightly frosty, and Mr Royale's truck in the drive.</p><p>Mr Royale's truck with very clean tires.</p><p>Very clean tires who's treads did not match the week old mud track on the pavement nearby.</p><p>Now why would Mr Royale have gotten his truck new tires?</p><p>Patton certainly knew one reason why a person would do that.</p><p>It was, of course, another coincidence that Patton took a wrong turning again on his way home from work so he passed the house again. For a moment it seemed nothing had changed. Then a light flickered on upstairs and Patton could see into the main bedroom for a few seconds. It was enough time to see Mr Royale and someone-not-Roman stumble into the room, kiss passionately, and fall onto the bed.</p><p>Mr Royale's lover moved in awfully quickly. Almost as if they know Roman isn't coming back.</p><p>Patton knew then, without a doubt, what had happened. It wasn't really a revelation, he just hadn't wanted to believe it before. But he'd fallen prey to the same thing Roman had - wanting to see the best in people.</p><p>Oh, he did it alright. But I just can't prove it.</p><p>He thought about Roman. Sunny, dramatic, Roman, with the incredible singing voice, and the smile that really did light up a whole room, and the talent for telling stories. Young, and handsome, and happy, with his whole life ahead of him.</p><p>Something cold crept its way into Patton's heart, and made a home there.</p><hr/><p>Patton bided his time. He planned, and watched when he needed to, but mostly he just went about his days as normal. He went to the play, and supported Virgil at the start, and in the interval, and then went to the stage door to congratulate him at the end. There was only one other person waiting there and Patton had to do a double take.</p><p>The man was the spitting image of Roman, except for the moustache and terrible clothes, and generally dishevelled appearance. Patton had met Remus only a few times before, and they hadn't really gotten on, but now Patton knew Remus would be a very useful person to have on his side.</p><p>They only greeted each other with a nod, then Virgil was bounding out the stage door flushed and slightly high on the adrenaline of a show well done. Patton and Remus both praised his performance, and Virgil talked and talked about it for a long time before his expression turned sorrowful.</p><p>"I wish Roman had been here to do it instead...it's been over two weeks now, they wont find him will they?"</p><p>Patton barely even shook his head before Virgil was launching himself, into his arms, trying to hold back sobs. Apparently Patton's expression had been all the answer he needed.</p><p>"It's so weird," Remus spoke, hands buried firmly in his pockets, staring at where he was scuffing the toe of his shoe on the ground, "he's just gone. Poof."</p><p>Virgil gripped Patton tighter at that and Patton shot Remus a chastising look.</p><p>"We were gonna go to the cinema tomorrow. I finally persuaded him to watch IT." Remus' voice seemed to come from far away. It sounded so odd from the man who's exuberance was only ever matched by his brother. "Do either of you wanna come watch it with me?" he suddenly asked hopefully, "its just that I've already got the tickets and it kinda seems like a waste of money else."</p><p>An opportunity presented itself to Patton.</p><p>Finally, Virgil released his iron grip around Patton and wiped his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. "I'll pass on that one man, I don't think I could watch a horror movie now. And there's two performances that day so I'll be exhausted." He sighed. "Speaking of that, I'm really tired so I'm gonna go. Thanks for coming to see me you two, I know you would have rather seen Roman," and before either of them could protest, Virgil had disappeared back into the theatre.</p><p>There was an awkward pause, before Remus broke the silence.</p><p>"I hope whatever bastard hurt my brother suffers."</p><p>"Remus, what are your opinions on lying to the police?" Patton asked suddenly, keeping his tone casual.</p><p>"Patty! Didn't have you down as the obstruction of justice type. But to be honest, fuck em cops. They can suck my-"</p><p>"Wonderful!" Patton interrupted, keeping his tone as innocent and light as he could. If anyone passed by, they would think this was a normal conversation between friends. "Could you do me a favour?"</p><p>Remus looked at him suspiciously. "Yeaaaa..."</p><p>"Go watch that film, and if anyone asks, I went with you." He smiled.</p><p>A slow grin spread slowly across Remus' face. "Sure daddy-o, I'll swear you were with me the whole time. You aren't gonna tell me what you'll actually be doing though?"</p><p>"Nope!" Patton chirped, "its just some business I need to attend to."</p><p>"Don't need any other help with it?"</p><p>"Nah, it'll be better if it's just me."</p><p>Remus pouted. "All right, well. See you at the cinema then," he winked.</p><p>"Sure!"</p><hr/><p>It was a good thing, Patton reflected on Monday, that his dad made him get a boating licence when he was fifteen, and that he still practiced occasionally.</p><p>Also, that house cleaning job he'd had for a few years was definitely useful, if only that it taught him how to get stains out of anything.</p><p>But it was just a happy little coincidence that Mr Royale's lover, Janus was his name, happened to have taken out a very hefty life insurance policy not a week before.</p><hr/><p>"Have there been any updates on the case, officer?" Patton asked, leaning on the desk at the police station and wringing his hands together, worry evident in the furrow of his brow, and the eyes he had rubbed red a few minutes before. He was the very picture of respectable grief and concern.</p><p>"As I have said before Mr Hart, please call me Logan. I have told you I am resigning in a few days and I do not wish to be associated with that title any longer than necessary. Besides," he rose from his seat and shuffled some papers in a bored manner, "you know there haven't been any advances. The whole town would know about it if there were.</p><p>"I was curious about that life insurance policy," Logan continued, "but there is only circumstantial evidence surrounding Mr Janus Sol and not enough of that to even consider taking him to court. I am very sorry Mr Hart...you were a close friend of the late Mr Royale's husband, weren't you?"</p><p>"Yeah," Patton gave a little sniffle, "Roman was the best friend I ever had."</p><p>"I offer my sincerest condolences," Logan sympathised. Then he raised an eyebrow and looked at Patton closely. "It is curious though, that Mr Royale, who was most certainly having an adulterous relationship with Mr Sol, died so soon after the disappearance of your best friend."</p><p>Patton felt ice stab through his heart but keeps his expression under control, widening his eyes a little in hurt. He was about to protest when Logan turned back to the papers he was shuffling.</p><p>"But you have an alibi, and anyway," Logan shook his head, "it is of little consequence. I have already signed the paperwork to close the case. We just can't prove anything."</p><p>Patton tried not to sigh in relief, letting out a soft "oh". He pulled himself away from the desk a little, and readjusted the cardigan he'd draped over his shoulders. "I understand, thank you Logan."</p><p>The almost-ex-officer inclined his head and that was it. Patton turned and left the police station, not allowing himself to break into his smirk of triumph until he was far from the building.</p><hr/><p>It was Tuesday night again, and Patton found himself walking past that Olive Garden again, a tightness in his chest. He faltered for a second when he saw the man in a bowler hat standing on the corner, but he didn't stop walking until he could lean against the wall next to him.</p><p>There was a long silence before either one spoke.</p><p>"I know it was you," Janus said evenly, not accusing and not uncertain either.</p><p>"Whatever are you talking about kiddo?" Patton asked with faux innocence.</p><p>"The fact that I can't prove it isn't frustrating at all."</p><p>"But would you want me to know you could prove it?" Patton asked sweetly.</p><p>Janus studied him for a moment. "Not particularly."</p><p>No-one spoke and Patton started humming some jolly tune to fill the silence. He hadn't said everything he wanted to, but he was waiting for Janus to make the first move.</p><p>"I didn't think you had it in you," there was an odd tone of respect in Janus' voice, "to pull off something like that."</p><p>"Oh you know me," Patton giggled, "I wouldn't hurt a fly."</p><p>Another pause and Patton knew he had to move this time.</p><p>"You should count yourself quite lucky it happened, really," he said lightly.</p><p>Janus gave a hum of agreement. "I would thank you if I actually liked you. I got all the life insurance money, and I'm completely free of blame. It is a shame about Roman though," he went on, "I didn't think Mr Royale would do what he did - we'd agreed they'd divorce."</p><p>"Yes, I shall miss Roman a lot," Patton paused, choosing his next words carefully, "it's a shame about Mr Royale's first husband too."</p><p>He heard Janus' head whip around so fast his neck cracked, but he didn't turn to look at him.</p><p>"His name was Thomas, I believe. I don't know much about him except he was married to Mr Royale before Roman, and they never worked out the cause of his death."</p><p>Janus gulped audibly. "It seems I dodged a bullet then," he croaked.</p><p>"I suppose you have," Patton mused.</p><p>"And Janus," Patton turned and fixed him with a bright grin, speaking sweetly, "I'd watch your back if I were you."</p><p>Then he pushed himself off the wall and walked off into the night.</p><p>The pain of loss in his heart would never go away, but the skip was already back in his step.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yay you survived the angst!</p><p>I would say I hope you enjoyed it but...I hope you liked it at least :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>